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Anybody who says that the time right after a breakup is easy is lying to you...its a trapfilled whirlwind of emotional chaos and it sucks no matter who you are. There are so many questions about where you should go from here, it makes your head spin. One of the first questions you probably think of is what to say to get him back...and the surprising answer is simple: NOTHING! Right after a big flaming breakup, a lot of emotions are flying around and it can be easy for either of you to say the wrong things and really hurt each others feelings, causing irreparable damage to the relationship. If you can avoid this, you will wind up finding the road to a reunion a lot easier than if you had fallen into this trap. Its a very good tip that you hear a lot, take a break...give him some space, and no contact. Whats less often specified is how long to keep up this term of no contact, but the safe rule of thumb is usually about a month. 30 days without seeing his face or hearing his voice can be rough, but its the best option at this point if you want him back. You are going to have to resist the temptation to break this rule, however...it wont be easy, and you will really want to talk to him, but for the sake of your future you have to avoid it. Here are some of the most common and destructive ways people trick themselves out of following the No Contact Rule. 1. Drunk Dialing. This occurs most often when its late at night, you have had a couple drinks to ease the loneliness, and you soon find that the alcohol does little to dull the pain inside. The drinks can affect your judgement and amplify your feelings of sadness until you give in and dial your ex boyfriends number without really even knowing what to say, and what follows is the most embarassing half conversation you have ever had. 2. Text Message Terrorism. Immediately after a breakup, most of us go into Panic Mode and start doing everything we can to try to stop our exes at the door and keep them from leaving...so we resort to a virtual attack through our cell phones or email. Sending message after message, making call after call, all we end up doing is driving the loves of our lives crazy and forcing them to avoid us as much as possible. Its important to fight against these mistakes, as slipping could cost you a lot...too much to risk. If you can keep a good hold of yourself, you will be far more prepared for when you start talking again, and have a much better chance of getting him back. Always remember that although the no contact rule has the great effects of keeping you from digging yourself in deeper and letting your ex have time to miss you, its greatest value is the time it gives you to plan your strategy for getting him back in the long run. Having a proven process to go through will make everything you do have a purpose...blindly winging it will only result in making it more difficult.
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