Just Divorced, Should You Date?

The general rule-of-thumb is the best way to solve problems is to prevent them. This is best accomplished by knowing in advance what risks you may encounter, so that you may either avoid or deal with them.

There are a number of potential risks for those who are newly divorced and preparing to begin dating again. It has become quite a trend for people to be told that they need to expend an outrageous amount of time and energy in "healing," if you take this subject too much to heart it can not only lead you to waste time but keep your focus on what you are trying to leave behind rather than what you are trying to accomplish.

You want to enjoy your dates and you want the person you are dating to enjoy it as well. If you don't let go of your marriage and your former spouse neither you or anyone you date will every enjoy themselves, there will always be the specter of the ex husband or wife in your dating relationship.

When you are going on dates it is usually with someone that you know a little if at all. This can be an area of worry as there are people in this world who will take advantage of the vulnerable state you will be in so soon after a divorce. It is a tough balancing act between being open and trusting with the people you are dating and making sure that no one takes advantage of you.

One additional, and very important, means of safeguarding yourself from being exploited is to keep the focus of casual dating on the word 'casual;' you are keeping your best interests in mind if your social life does not include filling your dates in on details about your marriage, former spouse, or other personal information.

Casual dating means just that, casual, it doesn't give anyone the right to pry into your past over and above the information you may want to give. They don't need to know all the sorid details of your dating or marriage history, and you don't need to know theirs. If you don't want them to pry into your life make sure you don't pry into theirs.

After many years of being married it can be very difficult to get back into the dating scene. You may feel that you no longer know the rules of dating, what topics are safe to talk about and what topics are not suitable for polite company. Talking about your hobbies, music and where you grew up is acceptable, how much money you make or what your divorce settlement was is not.

In some instances you may inadvertently cause such a problem yourself, if you make the mistake of seeing your new dates as an opportunity to talk about these types of personal issues. If you find it necessary to discuss private topics, it is better for you to reserve it for your close friends or family members, not the people you meet in your new social life. It is not in your best interests to disclose intensely-personal information to those you are dating on a casual basis.

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