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Nothing creates adult anger like children lying. It's ironic since it's usually adults who set the child up to lie. This is how it works: Mum heard that Greg was seen throwing stones at another child: "Hi Greg, what have you been doing today?" [Why would I tell you if you don't know for sure?] "Like what? I haven't been doing anything", he says innocently and looked a bit confused. "Did you throw rocks at the new girl?" [Maybe I can still get away with it] "No.", he answers, startled that you could think such a thing of him. "Well Mavis says you did." "Well it wasn't me, it was some other kid." [Surely she will believe her son before a neighbour!] "She seems pretty sure it was you." "Well, she's wrong, it wasn't me!" First Mum tempts him to lie to wriggle out of it, and she corners him with the lie. It is showdown time. What will Mum do? Is she confident that Mavis is totally reliable? Or is there some shadow of doubt? Greg seems to be pretty insistent, what if it was some other kid? If she lets him off, she will have to apologise for doubting him. If she convicts him, it will be double punishments, one for lying and one for throwing stones. Since most kids lie to stay out of trouble, it's up to you to promote truth and honesty. Don't tempt them to tell more lies. You have to make it beneficial for incriminating himself, instead of letting him off the hook. Lay a foundation of truth telling and honesty for your whole family. This means you can't lie either. Watch your children for honesty, and reward them when they are. Keep talking about how valuable honesty is as well as a good reputation. Show them that honesty is great and that it will be rewarded. The next time you suspect your child of something, remain calm. If you know for sure that he is guilty, don't tempt him to lie by asking him if he did it. Give him the details that you know and punish him. You can also ask him to tell you the truth. Here is an example that won't giver him the option to lie about it: "Greg, Mavis has told me about something she saw this afternoon. I would like to know what happened. But before you tell me, I want you to go away and think about it for 15 minutes. And remember, we value honesty in this household." This will give Greg a chance to think things over. He can dig a bigger hole for himself, or he can be honest and face the consequences. If he tells you the truth, praise him for his honesty. If he chooses to lie, even after thinking about it, then you must double his punishment. He has now both lied and thrown stones at someone, and there are consequences for both. Either way, once things have calmed down, talk about the feelings of anger, envy, or insecurity that may have led to the behaviours. Show that it is okay to have such feelings, but that feelings don't excuse bad behaviour. Be patient. Tthey won't talk until they know it is safe and that you won't "blow up" at what they say.
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