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Children love to go on sleep-overs with their friends - or to camps and other special events for kids. But for some children their fear of sleeping away from home overshadows the daytime fun - perhaps even to the extent that they simply won't go. If your child is struggling with such a fear, perhaps this will help you to help her. First of all, recognize the fact that it is a problem and most probably your child wants to get rid of it even more than you may want. So, ridiculing him by saying things like, ‘don't be such a baby,’ will only aggravate the problem. This is the time your child needs all your support and understanding. You will need to come up with a well-defined strategy to help your child overcome his fear. You may take help of experts through books or on the internet, if you can’t think of a plan yourself. Fear is an illogical emotion; you can’t get rid of it by just reasoning. You have to work on it by using a process of gradual desensitization. First get to the root of the problem. Many times the problem is not about sleep-overs only; it is deeper than that. May be the child does not feel secure being away from the mother, and even sleeping away from her in the other room is a big challenge! Once you have identified the problem, start working on it by dividing the process into small achievable goals. Start from the point where the child is now – that is to say start with what is familiar and comfortable to the child. Gradually take him to the next step. For instance, if your child would rather sleep on the floor next to your bed than in his own bed, start by putting him in his bed and leaving the door is open. If your child is comfortable with the grandparents, you may send him for a sleep-over to them so that he gets used to being away from home. It is advisable to talk to your child and encourage him to tell you honestly why he doesn’t want to go on a sleep-over with a friend he likes. If he tells you what kind of a sleep over he won’t mind going to, make a note of it. And, you plan only that kind of a sleep-over for him. If he really has fun on a friend's birthday party, or going to camp in the summer, he will get over the fear. Remember, it doesn’t happen in a day. You may have to work backwards from the goal to the present. For example, if you want your child to go to camp for 5 nights, you have to first get him ready to sleep away at the Easter camp for 2 nights. And, for that, you need to prepare him to be able to sleep at his friend’s house for one night. Before he is ready to do that, he needs to be able to sleep in his own room with the door shut.... And so on. Obviously you will need to tailor this to your own circumstances. Once you have a rough layout for this, then go to the present and look at the very first step. If necessary, break this down even further. Start with what she is currently comfortable with doing, and ask, what is the very first step? It might be as small as moving from the floor next to your bed, to the floor in the hallway just outside your bedroom door. As I said earlier, do this with the active participation of your child. Talk to him and take decisions regarding the starting date and the rewards as well as how you will celebrate success. Just make sure you don’t set goals that are not achievable. Try to make each step an easy one. Spend ample time on each step till your child is willing to move on to the next step. You may want to add incentives at every step to expedite the progress. If she fails at a step (eg crawls back into your room from the hallway), just retreat to the previous step, consolidate that a bit longer, increase the rewards, and have another go. One word of caution: Don’t expect instant results. You should be willing to spend some time with your child to help him work through the steps. But if you have a well-planned strategy, and you implement it slowly and systematically, you will certainly succeed. Be generous with plenty of encouragement and rewards.
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Dr. Noel Swanson is a leading expert on child behaviour. He has a top selling book of parenting advice (The GOOD CHILD Guide) and writes for a fascinating website with lots of parenting advice that is well worth a visit. Feel free to grab a unique version of this article from the Unique Articles Submissions Service
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